I feel like I've lost so many friends on here.. and on SROA... like I'm not really welcome anymore.

Not that I'm surprised or anything.. I haven't been online at all to talk and hang out like I used to. I just didn't realize it would... hurt so much, I guess?

College took so much out of me this first semester. It smashed me back into a reality that the Internet helped me to escape. And I guess I'm paying for that with social and relationship problems that can't be solved with AIM chats or e-mails. The Internet has given me opportunities while taking some away simultaneously. I've met some great people here and at SROA, but I've also drifted from the people who were closest to me, people who once were like family to me.

College has also taken me away from my art, my one outlet for stress and anger, as well as an enjoyment for heart and soul. What once came so naturally for me is now a frustration to even think about. It now pains me to draw. And that hurts so much, to come to the realization that I'm not as good as I once was, and to realize that I'm probably not going to be that good an artist ever again. Howard and Max are simply afterthoughts now. I feel ashamed of myself for having put so much effort into something that I no longer have control of.

I've lost my touch. And I doubt I'll ever get it back.



I don't expect any comments, and I don't expect people to remember what I used to be and what I could achieve but a year ago. I just never realized that I'd be feeling so lonely here, in a community where I once felt so welcome and accepted.